Biblically Inspired Verses for Contemporary Americans

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a central bank soweth, that shall it also reap.

The legislator that is without sin among you, let him cast the first vote to outlaw victimless actions.

Given that more than 4,500 actions are now considered federal crimes, blessed are the merciful federal prosecutors, for they will be shown mercy after the revolution.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for if against all the odds, any such persons should be elected president, they shall be called the children of God.

And seeing the multitudes, Barack Obama went up into a mountain; and when he sat down, his disciples came unto him; and he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, “We have to get our most important schemes in place before the people’s sense of crisis subsides.”

Thou shalt have no other gods before me—and that includes smooth-talking presidents, in particular.

Honor thy father and thy mother, because chances are that they deserve to be honored more than any politician who ever lived.

Thou shalt not murder, not even the hapless natives of faraway places where U.S. forces have no good reason to be in the first place.

Thou shalt not commit adultery with interns who wear dark blue dresses.

Thou shalt not steal—that means you, Congress and the IRS!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, regardless of what the Kelo decision says.

The wise man’s eyes are in his head; but the fool walketh in darkness just as presidential advisers, especially the economic and foreign-policy advisers, usually do.

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” And the assembled federal bureaucrats replied, “At this point, we really don’t have much to lose along those lines.”

The fool hath said in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have done abominable works; There is none that doeth good. Yet once such a fool hath been elected to Congress, he is virtually certain to be reelected.

For the love of money to be used in reelection campaigns is a root of all kinds of evil.

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them—which is to say, all of you government officeholders had best resign pronto before your chickens come home to roost.

For I was hungry, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink; I was a stranger, and ye took me in; naked, and ye clothed me. I was sick, and ye visited me. Then, after several years, ye finally cut off my unemployment benefits. How am I supposed to get by now?

And the woman said unto the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden after it has passed USDA inspection.”

And the serpent said unto the woman, “Ye shall not surely die anyhow; ye have Obamacare now.”

 And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech: bad English.

Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven, but strange to say, the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area prospered mightily despite its even greater wickedness.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also, as all the big defense contractors know very well.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man and decided to run for public office, I had to speak, understand, and think in exactly the same way, lest I suffer defeat at the hands of an electoral opponent who expressed an even more childish view of the world.

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. And bear this admonition in mind should anyone propose to build a wall across the border with Mexico.

And the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in the United States of America, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;
and I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the welfare-warfare state.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, especially at a TSA checkpoint.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a government official to enter into the kingdom of God.

For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge of political economy increases sorrow.